Time of self-discovery

12:27 BJJGuardNation 1 Comments

I'm sorry for the recent quiet time here. After my injury I have been doing a lot of deep thinking. I have discovered my true self. What I truly enjoy, what I truly want with life. It has been a long and pleasant journey, with a lot of meditation and deep thinking. Now I know myself better than I have in 7 years. Here's a little story of my discoveries.



First I tried to relax and enjoy the nature. I have tried to live in the now. Forget the past, well... no. Not forgetting the past, but not clinging onto it. Also not living in the future, as I many times became extremely anxious about my future, about our future as a human species. But I realized that worry is useless, it will not contribute to anything. So I try to be here, now. I love walking in the forests and being in close with nature, it helps me relax so much.

With the love of nature also comes the love of everything. I enjoy reading and studying astronomy as it is so visually beautiful. As we are all made of the same matter.

"We are all star stuff" - Carl Sagan


Second I found philosophy. I couldn't stop reading it as it was so interesting, just so much fun. It kinda re-activated my thinking and questioning. Of everything. Then one day it hit me, hey this is exactly what I've been doing since a kid, but I lost it in my teenage years with all the distractions of electronic devices and all else. Because when I was kid, I used to travel a lot back and forth to my father who lives in Belgium. Also we traveled a lot together all over the world. I was usually left alone with my mind so I entertained myself with thoughts and observations about the world around me. Now I've discovered a lost part of myself and I am so happy and excited. I just can't describe it enough, it is just so profound.

Thirdly I have accepted myself as I am. Not perfect, but neither a lost cause. I do what I enjoy, what excites me most. And the biggest part, I don't care what anyone thinks of me. Everyone has a right to have an opinion, but it is none of my damn business. If you are interested in talking about your opinion, we can do it in a civil conversation.

So I try to live my life in the now, of course I have to plan some things to the future, but I try to keep it simple. I try to follow what excites me most. In about a month will come a major change in my life. I'm going to move from my home town. This is partly because I have lost some good sparring partners who follow their own interests, I have nothing new to discover in this town, I will be able to try to be accepted in a university to study philosophy, and mainly my girlfriend lives in the new city and the constant traveling back and forth costs a lot of money in Finland. Shame on you monopoly railroad system.

The future posts on Guard Nation will be what you have read till now and sometimes I will write my philosophical thinking. Maybe you will like them, maybe not :)

Thank you for reading.
- Jaan

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